Even my vagina gasped.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
