I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
