I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
