You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
