I wish life had little blips of pornography
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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