I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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