Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
even my farts smell like vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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