I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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