Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A bitchslap is in order.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
