Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
