I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
