"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You pole danced in your parka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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