How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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