Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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