He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
