Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
