Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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