just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
