I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
