You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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