My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
what is it with giant penises always finding me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
