so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
