He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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