the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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