so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
