it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
