She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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