i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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