dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
