I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
how drunk are you?
Several
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
