dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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