so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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