I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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