awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
