JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
