Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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