To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
