dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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