No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
