My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
