I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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