I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
