just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
