And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Shame - the story of my life.
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