I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
