Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
