please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
