I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
