I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
