She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
