some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
