I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
