We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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