she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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