i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
