my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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