Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
