The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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