There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
