who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
