I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
