Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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