So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
