i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
