someone threw a dead crab at me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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