Don't make out with my wife yet
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
