I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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