So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
