I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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