Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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